Friday, February 10, 2012

Getting ready for marriage – Birth control

I’m going on the pill. I’m getting married soon and there are lots of things I need to do to prepare for the wedding, like flowers, dress, cake, invitations, and all the other little details that are driving me crazy. I also have to prepare for being married and being someone’s wife, like cooking, and….. sex…. Yes I said it….sex.  

I did a lot of research to make sure I knew what the pill would be doing to my body. I learned a lot of interesting facts about birth control and all its forms. Here are a few of the facts that I would like to share with you. The pills are hormones, so its going to take a while for your body to get use to them. Most of the pills will help with acne, but it will take a while, your body may even get a little confuse with the changes in your body and break out! My wedding isn’t until June but I wanted to start taking the pill now so that my body has time to get use to them, so I can make sure my skin is clear, or any weight gain is under control, oh yeah some girls gain weight on the pill too. There a lot of facts everyone should know before going on the pill, I don’t have time to list them all, everyone should do their own research, understand the pros and cons. And yes, there are different cons for every person.

I decided to go on the pill. So now where do I get them? I don’t have any insurance and I just don’t have the kind of relationship with my mom to ask her to take me to the doctor, we’re very asian like that, sex is never a topic, even if I’m getting married. I always envy those mother-daughter relationships where they can talk about everything. I think I’m going to try and make sure my future kids know they can always talk to me about anything. Anyways, back to the present day. So if you live in the states you know about Planned Parenthood. It’s a low cost and/or free health clinic for young people. They take care of everything related to sexual health and they offer free/low cost birth control, all kinds.

But lets be honest, when I think about Planned Parenthood I think about horny teens who have to go there because they think they have an STD or they got pregnant. It almost feels like a shameful place to go to. But I knew I had no shame, I’m a good girl, I’m in love with someone and I wanted to share my love with him in the ultimate way, and I’m being responsible enough to make sure we don’t get pregnant when we’re not ready for it. I told myself that even thought there would be sluts hanging around Planned Parenthood, there would be other girls like me there too. I sucked up some pride and made an appointment.

Yesterday I went in. They handed me a lot of papers to fill out and I took a seat. I don’t know if every clinic was the same or not, but the one I went to looked horrible. The dim lighting, old chairs, old magazines, free condoms next to the door, and flyers about sex, AIDs, and all other STDs put all the shame back into me. It made me feel like they didn’t care enough about the girls in the waiting room to take care of the clinic. Everything looked old and dirty. The other girls sitting around me didn’t look at each other and even though I tried not to judge them, I failed. I’m only human ok, I’m sorry. And even though I tried my best to put my ring in sight, and put my good girl face on as best that I can, who was I kidding, they couldn’t tell what kind of person I was just like I couldn’t with them, so they probably judge me too. So I sat there, keep my head down and waited for my name to be called and hoped that no one I knew saw me there. I really wish that they would update there waiting room so we feel like it was just another doctor’s office.

When my name was called I walked in and got checked out by the doctor. I have to say that I felt better when I came inside and talked to the doctor. The doctor asked me very personal questions that I was proud to answer. It made me feel good to let the doctor know what kind of person I am before she got “personal” with the rest of me. She was really nice to me. But to be honest, I don’t know if she would have been so nice to me if I told her I was a slut. I felt like she was happy to meet a young girl there who….ummm….well just a good girl for once. I was happy she was nice to me but what if I was a slut? Would she still be nice to me? As much as Planned Parenthood tries to advertise that they don’t judge people, there is always some judgment, I was just lucky to get the good kind. No, wait, I wasn’t lucky to get the good kind, I earned it! The world is not fair girls. We get judge, even by other women.

In the end I got my pills and walked out as fast as I could. After the wedding, I’m going to go to somewhere else for my pills, hopefully I’ll have insurance by then. The Planned Parenthood clinic is really helpful to have around but it such a depressing office.                          

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